The New “Must-Have” Networking Tool: Relational Intelligence.

A few months ago at Church, I sat up a little straighter.  Put down my coffee and took a few notes.  I was riveted.  Our pastor was was sharing information about how to live a more attached and authentic life.  It was about how we relate to others.  Successfully or otherwise.

I thought to myself “this could be the single best approach to networking I’ve heard”.

The slide looked something like this:

Wouldn’t that catch your attention?  Whether you are looking for a new job, more consulting work or even a few new friends – doesn’t this sound like something you’d like to be able to do?

Then truth is that I love the combination of those four words:  skill, warmth, authenticity and compassion.  It reaffirms that this is not a short ride on the hay wagon.  We are looking to build long, lasting relationships, right?  And to enjoy the process.

But how?  I wondered.  How do you do it?

Here was the next slide (roughly):

So here was something that someone could state as an objective and begin moving toward. Practical.  But I needed more details.  I knew I wanted to share this concept with readers of this blog and beyond.  Because if people could learn these skills and set new networking objectives, they would be continuously creating a network that cares about them.  By showing a real interest in their own network.

So after hearing the rest of the message, I contacted our pastor and asked for the source.  I got a name, sent an e-mail and arranged a phone interview.

I spent nearly an hour on the phone with Steve Saccone, the author of a new book called Relational Intelligence.  He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and son.

While targeted at leaders, this book is an ideal read for job seekers and anyone looking to network because it opens your eyes to key ways in which you can be more effective out there.  In the networking groups and job search clubs.

The first thing I wanted to know from Steve was the role of authenticity in Relational Intelligence.  After all, you meet a lot of people while networking.  Some real and some trying too hard.  “While authenticity is generally a positive word”, he said, “none of us are totally authentic”.  But you can become a more authentic person by simply being there, being truly present in conversations.  Instead of being distracted, Steve suggests to use “all the dimensions of who you are” to show someone that you are interested in them.

I then asked if relational intelligence can be learned or if it is either “in us or not” at birth.  The good news is that although “all of us have different strengths (areas of life where we are naturally better), we all can become relational geniuses.”

In his book, Steve lays out six defining roles of a relational genius (i.e. six ways you can become one).  The first one, my favorite, is The Story Collector.  It involves paying attention to and collecting stories about other people.  Of course, there’s one key requirement: you have to be interested in people.  Can you do that?

Drawing out their stories (by asking thoughtful, personal questions), we help them become more known and more valued.  According to Steve, “Human beings long for their story to be known, and most of us live our lives without consistently experiencing this as a pervasive and deeper reality in our personal world.”

How to know if you still have some work to do?

1. Do you find yourself always trying to “one-up” others in conversations?  Always wanting to have the best story?
2. Are you a “pretend question-asker”?  Asking a question just to look smart or to set up a great prepared answer from you later in the conversation?

If this is you, you will benefit from Steve’s book.  And from the new, stronger relationships you build as a result.

Overall, Steve has a strong dual message for leaders and anyone looking to build a strong relational life:

A. Be catalytic (a person who makes things happen) and strategic but value people along the way.  There are very few people in the world who can get a lot done and take care of those who help you get there.

B. Be self aware.  Most of us lack self awareness and are unable to see our own blind spots.

Steve’s book is available on Amazon and I would put it under the must-have category for job seekers or those looking to become stronger in building real relationships in life. It is written from a Christian perspective but is highly relevant and practical, regardless of your faith.

He was also kind enough to sign three copies and allow me to give them away.  If you’d like to enter the drawing for a complimentary signed copy of Relational Intelligence, here’s what you need to do:

1.  Click here for a link to the Tim’s Strategy LinkedIn group.  If not yet a member, submit a request to join.  If you send a note along with your request, include the words “Relational Intelligence”.

2.  Find the featured discussion titled: Relational Intelligence.  Ready To Become A Relational Genius?

3.  To enter, simply leave a comment in the discussion like: “Sign me up!” or “I’m interested!”

4.  Entries are open until Friday, Dec 4th at 5:00 PM Pacific Time.  Winners will be chosen via a random drawing.

Good luck and have a great week!

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Tags: Career | Career Networking | intelligence | Job Search | relational | saccone | Strategy
Categories: Career Networking