How To Quit Your Job: Throwing Yourself On The Fire (Part 3)

This is part three of a three part series. Of course, you should read the first two posts Leaving an imperfect job and The psychology of quitting before reading this post.

Once you are back, realize that what you are considering (or what your friend is considering) is a big deal. By “throwing yourself on the fire” you are removing a number of options. You are committing to one specific action. And this may be the exact right thing for you to do.

And as long as you have completely thought through it, fully understanding your motivations and possibilities, this post is here to help you decide how to do it.

How To Prepare

Preparation includes the following:

1. Reasons why. Define the drivers for you personally.  Try to find at least ten.  Break them out as rational or irrational (yes, there may be a few irrational ones) and rank them based on importance.  This step is critical because you may find that the top drivers for your wanting to quit can be solved by something other than quitting (transfer, honest conversation with a boss or peer, flexible work schedule).  And you should have satisfied all of those possibilities, for yourself and your family, before making a decision to act.
2. Possible outcomes. Be aware of all the resulting outcomes of your decision to quit.  Some will be scary and some will be uplifting.  You may be offered a chance to transition for three months with a bonus or you may be promptly shuttled out of the building by a security guard.  You may realize a day later that you made a mistake.
3. Possible reactions. Those who do not understand your decision may be angry, disappointed or genuinely sad to see you go.  Others may jab you in the ribs with a wink and say “way to go!”.  Awareness of the variety of reactions will help you anticipate the post conversation environment.  It also may either spur you on to moving forward or cause you to delay.
4. Build a budget. Regardless of your current financial situation and any plans to interview for a replacement position, it is crucial to be aware of the financial impact of your decision.  Plan out at least six months and know in advance how you will fund your life.  Decide in what order you will spend your savings (ideally the most liquid source and one that includes the least penalty for withdrawal).  Research COBRA if this job is your current source of health care.  Know the monthly costs of staying on your current company’s plan.
5. Create a time-line.  While everything may not happen exactly to plan, have an idea of when you want to act.  Consider any possible bonus dates (wait for the actual check) and be conscious of the vacation or sick time that you will receive upon departure.  Pick a day for the conversation with your boss – a day when things are calm vs. crazy.  A day when you can get enough time.

How To Share With Your Family and Friends

Make no mistake, some in your family will shake their head.  And, like at the office, some who know your situation will understand.  And support you.

For those who are not knowledgeable about your situation, you will need to start at the beginning.  Go back to your reasons why (above) and explain in detail what you are planning and why.

And who do you share this with?  Your immediately family, of course, needs to be a part of this discussion from the beginning.  Please do not come home on a Friday having quit on your own.

In general, the closer they are to you, the more to involve them upfront.  Way in advance.  Build a communication strategy and include it in your time-line.

The more people you include in this conversation, the better.  Sometimes all you need is perspective.  A longer view on what feels like a dark cloud around your career.  Be open to the advice and counsel of those in your inner circle who lived a while longer than you.  You may hear stories that have you re-thinking the decision, the timing or the approach.

How To Tell Your Boss

Of course some of this will be dictated by your relationship.  Some companies and relationships are more formal.  Some are more personal or casual.  So think of how to adapt your “how” to your company’s personality or culture.

But, overall, there are a couple of key things you should do:

1.  Be honest. Leaving an unhappy situation in the most authentic way will help you have a positive transition.  Honest doesn’t mean unleashing years of negative feelings, though.  There are ways to state your rationale that explains your situation and makes a point without hurting someone else or causing unnecessary ill feelings.

2.  Get out of the office. If you can, go to lunch or find a spot to meet with your boss out of the office environment.  That will contribute to a more open discussion.  A more conversational discussion may lead to a more positive transition, a chance to negotiate how you leave and a more complete feedback loop.  A smart boss will want to understand your reasons so that they can offer to fix issues or at least, be able to make adjustments within the team after you leave.  So there is a chance you can help.

3.  Write a minimally neutral resignation letter. This formalizes the decision and, in the right situation, feels very empowering to write.  Don’t hand it over until the end of the conversation unless asked so that your options are open in terms of departure date and possible benefits for staying longer.  The letter should be simple and generally positive.  It should not include any negatives about the company or your boss.  It should not include any suggestions of clever strategy or mistakes you’ve noticed the company making.  Remember that you may ask someone at this company for a reference someday.  Offer 2-4 weeks notice or transition time depending on your role in the company and what you are working on at the time.

4.  Keep It Positive.  This includes your communication with peers, direct reports and others in your department.  Anything other than this will cause issues for your boss and the company and risk your departure becoming a negative.  Not what you want.  Even if the situation with your boss is really bad, keep it positive.  And, by the way, avoid telling others in your company or department about your plans.  Why?  Well, what if you decide to change them?  What if someone hears and tells your boss first.  Or someone above your boss?

5.  Be cooperative. Be open to adjusting your timing.  Be open to a longer transition time.  If asked, be open to talking with HR or others in the organization.  You simply don’t know what can come from these conversations.  If you are leaving to pursue a passion, perhaps someone there has a connection for you.  Cooperation may include helping to find your replacement.  Be open.

Well, that’s my take on the issue of quitting.  It takes guts.  It also takes a smart approach including budgeting, communication and tact.  Done right and you can proactively release yourself from a bad situation or the wrong career with momentum for a better future.

Done wrong and you may find yourself second-guessing three months after your departure.

So please.  Think through it completely.  Talk to others.

That’s it for me – what’s your perspective?

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