When Networking Meets Ego – Ouch!

Ripping off the networking band-aid …

A buddy of mine, Dave, read a few of my early posts and said the following:

I think many people whom are out of work would have a difficult time pursuing ‘friends/acquaintances’ for job leads (a few friends – yes…others – no) – I believe egos become center-stage and they’d rather fall into the ‘privacy’ of Job Search Engines than expose themselves to the neighborhood gossip. If there was a way to correctly position your ‘contact’ with your friends/acquaintances that conveyed your quest/favor in the most professional manner possible. I think many people get caught in the “Hi Joe…blah, blah blah…do you know anyone who is hiring? No…OK thanks.”

Dave tends to be brutally honest about stuff and I think he is absolutely right. In order to network with the pros, you need to humble yourself in a way that is not always comfortable. You also need to be outgoing and unafraid to ask for help from the closest of friends. You also need to be comfortable introducing yourself to the friend of a guy your brother knew when he was dating your sister’s math tutor.

So why is this so hard?
Here’s my collective theory having been out of work as well as networked as an employed person:

First, most people out there networking don’t know what to do. They can send e-mail but don’t know what to say. They can show up at a networking event but don’t know how to approach someone. They can call a recruiter but don’t understand the difference between retained and contingent firms. They also give up too easy (Dave’s point, above)

Second, they are proud. They have been bosses, decision makers, budget spenders, direction givers and the person that everyone came to for advice on the job. That made me proud, too. It is incredibly hard to ask for help from someone who in an earlier life or a future one may be two or three layers below you. You simply have to battle through this one.

Third, they don’t provide specifics to their network. If you don’t tell your network how it can help you … guess what, it can’t help you. After showing up at multiple networking events with a resume but no plan (no specifics on your target industry, job type/level, city and companies) and leaving with nothing to show for it, perhaps it seems like a lot of hard work with no return. As some say, a long run for a short slide.

The good news is that networking can be done successfully and intelligently without excessive cold calls and uncomfortable networking conversations. It starts with building a job search strategy and identifying those micro networks that can and should want to help you.

Oh, and if you see Dave, I’m sure he’d love to chat.